Thursday, 16 August 2007

Day 86 - Istanbul

Well the holiday is over already. Istanbul was great, hot all the time, lots of good things to see, plenty of sea and water, wonderful smells, busy streets and markets, all the usual things that dont have to be said as most people are ware what a vibrant, lively cultural city it is.

Caroline joined me for a few days and as always was wonderful company and the days have flown by. I saw her off at the airport this evening and found it quite emotional as I have no idea when I will see her again, if ever. Well I said at the start of this blog that I would also mention my emotions and as yet I have hardly done so as I have been on an even keel, but that has now changed. I now feel emotionally drained and to be honest the road ahead fills me with dread. I said to Caroline that I too would love to be coming home and that I have lost the desire to continue, but I dont feel that would be the right thing to do and this journey was never going to be easy and I cant give up when I confront the first real challenge. So tomorrow I have to get up and head out of Istanbul, another journey that fills me with dread, but it has to be done. I know I will have no desire to be moving in the direction I am going and the traffic of nightmares will only go to make it worse. I am sure the next fews days will just be a blur as my mind will be else where, hardly noticing my surrounding, but as the saying goes, time is a great healer, and hopefully as time goes by things will settle down again and I will start to enjoy life again. Last Thursday was a high, I had arrived in Istanbul ahead of a weeks rest, yet just one week later I am very low, lower than I had expected to be, but in some respect these are the challenges, not the cycling itself. I need to be strong and over the coming days I am sure I will learn something about myself.

Well that hardly singing great praises after spending a week in a wonderful city, but I really didnt want to come in here and write this tonight, but I only did it to take my mind of other matters and catch my feelings as they are now. Its short and no so sweet but its all I feel up to at the moment.

As promised a couple of photos of me, I spoil you!


Tony said...

Feeling for you John!
Your piece stirs a lot of thoughts but I doubt their value as "comments", as yet.
I hope you are finding at least a few ways of looking after yourself. Hope you can post again soon.

Caff said...

Ok - so you said you'd taken a few more pics of yourself. The feet - I think you're using browning cream and your white feet is your true colour! Also the picture with you standing at the door, you know the one where you are wearing a yellow sleeveless top - is showing that you haven't cut your hair since you've left the UK, so how does it feel to have such long hair!!!
We look forward to hearing more about your trip as you continue to travel across more interesting cultures and countries :-)

aoiffe said...

I know its repeating stuff, but as Tony suggested, remember to find a few ways of looking after yourself; during this tough part of the journey be kind to yourself.

David & Lindsey said...

Great blog John, we appreciate that it's tough going at the moment for you and if it's any consolation we really admire what you're doing, you're honesty and courage. We're sure you know that it's not meant to be easy emotionally or physically. One of our 'mantras' when we were travelling was 'this is not a holiday. it's an experience'!! as well as David's 'we're on a budget' I'm sure you can relate to that! Look after yourself, all the best David and Lindsey

dad said...

You're a tough nut John and what you've achieved so far is a lot more than many people would have stamina for. I know many men who would be fagged out just cycling or walking a few hundred yards. So keep smiling, we are all batting for you.